A dear friend of mine filed for divorce yesterday.

She had been going through a lot of turmoil in her married life with respect to her husband and in laws. They had sort of formed a team against her since the past two years. She’s been married for three years.

I know her since childhood. I understand I know only her side of the story, but from what I know of her, she is one of the kindest souls I have ever met. That this should happen to her is unfortunate. When she started having marriage problems, I was one of the first people she consulted. As she is in India, I wasn’t sure what advice to give her. I wanted her to get out of that hellhole, but I wash’ t sure if she will find herself worse off due to the mentality of Indian society when it comes to divorced women. At that point I refrained from giving her any advice.

Her parents seemed to want her to bear all the ill treatment she was receiving. “What can you possibly do? You’re a woman” is what they said. She was devastated. A few weeks back we met again, and she seemed very close to having a mental breakdown. All our friends were furious on hearing her story. They wanted her to get out of the marriage pronto. She turned to me for my opinion. Seeing her hapless state, I had to agree with what the others said.

I fervently hope she’s doing the right thing and that she is happier after the divorce. I am sure her family and friends will stand by her and help her overcome the madness that ensues during divorce proceedings. I also dare to hope that she will find love again. It proved as a reminder for how lucky I am for having such a wonderful husband and amazing in laws 🙂

Is there anything known as “friendship”?

What is friendship? 

I guess the definition varies from person to person. It could also vary for a person from time to time. At least that’s what its been for me.

When I was in school, I was in a huge group of “friends”. At that time, friendship to me was a bunch of children (mostly girls) hanging out in school, having lunch together, talking in classes, hanging out in the evenings and playing games, biking together, etc. And that’s that. 

When I joined junior college, I was in a relatively smaller group (4 guys + 4 girls). Friendship then meant going to movies together, bunking classes, gossiping about crushes, etc. This time around, it also meant discussing about career, doing assignments together. A part of growing up, I guess.

In engineering too it meant about the same, except that everything was more intense. Friends served as vents for emotional phases of life. Relationships, sex, breakups formed the main topics we conversed on.

When I was in the so-called “friend circles”, I somehow always ended up being the main member of the group. I used to be almost everyone’s best friend. And I’m not exactly sure I considered them mine. If I had a fallout with any group member, all the others would side with me and that person would be cast out of the group along with any member who “dared” side with them. Fun, immature, carefree times.

When I started working, everything changed. Friends no longer held the same amount of importance they did earlier. I have a handful of people in my life some of whom I have known for a really long time, some for not that long, who are indispensable in my life. Some of them are related to me, most are unrelated. I somehow can’t bring myself to call them friends. They mean way more to me than any friend ever did. And obviously that is the sole reason why they are still such an integral part of my life. They are more like my soul mates. The others, well, were just friends, I guess.