A dear friend of mine filed for divorce yesterday.

She had been going through a lot of turmoil in her married life with respect to her husband and in laws. They had sort of formed a team against her since the past two years. She’s been married for three years.

I know her since childhood. I understand I know only her side of the story, but from what I know of her, she is one of the kindest souls I have ever met. That this should happen to her is unfortunate. When she started having marriage problems, I was one of the first people she consulted. As she is in India, I wasn’t sure what advice to give her. I wanted her to get out of that hellhole, but I wash’ t sure if she will find herself worse off due to the mentality of Indian society when it comes to divorced women. At that point I refrained from giving her any advice.

Her parents seemed to want her to bear all the ill treatment she was receiving. “What can you possibly do? You’re a woman” is what they said. She was devastated. A few weeks back we met again, and she seemed very close to having a mental breakdown. All our friends were furious on hearing her story. They wanted her to get out of the marriage pronto. She turned to me for my opinion. Seeing her hapless state, I had to agree with what the others said.

I fervently hope she’s doing the right thing and that she is happier after the divorce. I am sure her family and friends will stand by her and help her overcome the madness that ensues during divorce proceedings. I also dare to hope that she will find love again. It proved as a reminder for how lucky I am for having such a wonderful husband and amazing in laws 🙂

The married life

I have lost count of the people who have asked me how my married life is. The answer is, it’s the same as before. Well, almost. Me and the husband had been living together for more than 2 years before we got married. We already had many unspoken agreements on how stuff needs to be done and who does what and when, without having a firm schedule. Whatever needs to be done is done by whoever has the time and inclination at that point in time.

There have been a few changes with respect to the extended family though. Prior to the wedding, they used to refrain from talking to me on the phone too much, as they weren’t thrilled with the idea of their son/brother/brother-in-law getting married to a non Tam-brahm. Also, since they didn’t know we were living together, they didn’t really have a way to talk to me much. After the wedding, all that has changed. The in-laws want to talk to me every single day. They want me to call them on Skype and sit in front of the webcam for a couple of hours every couple of days.

Initially I was basking in all the attention I was getting. But now its kind of getting to me :-/ I am not a phone person. People who know me know that very well. I don’t call people, I don’t answer calls or respond to voicemail. Text me and I will get back to you within the next 10 seconds. But if you call me, I will respond in as timely a manner as AT&T would (which means never, for people who have had the good fortune of never needing to interact with them)

All that is minor stuff. Compared to the in-laws I have heard and read about my in laws are awesome. They tell me everyday to not do a lot of work and remind Sam everyday that he needs to do as much or more work than I do. They take as much interest in my job and the work I do as that of Sam. My FIL in fact is waiting for my app to hit the app store so he can download it 🙂 He has already downloaded all the apps I have worked on so far and keeps showing them to visitors. When we were in India, he spent an hour demonstrating some of my app’s features to the next door neighbour who doesn’t even carry a dumb phone. Needless to say, they have stopped visiting now 😐

My MIL has always been overprotective of her son. Now that same overprotectiveness has extended to me. She keeps giving us tips to make ourselves healthier. Some of them make sense, others are outright hilarious. I know she means well, so I just nod along. Here are some of them –

1. Sam should NEVER eat oatmeal or anything with oats. It causes impotence.

2. Do not eat pizza. It is made out of pigs.

3. Put at least a tablespoon of coconut in everything you cook (including atta for rotis). Your kids will be very fair.

4. Neither Sam nor I should ever go to the gym. Or go on a healthy diet. (don’t know the reason for this one.)

5. Not to drink any coffee except Udhayam filter coffee. The others have some amounts of alcohol in them.

and so on. Both Sam and I hear these gems of advice and obviously don’t heed any of them (except the pizza one, as Sam has cholesterol)

They are visiting us this September, so I think I will have many more to add to this list by the end of their stay. Stay tuned 😀