What was she thinking? – Part I

This is a real story of a girl. She had grown up watching all the romantic Bollywood movies, reading romantic novels, and fancied herself a romantic. She always imagined her dream guy to be an intelligent, accomplished, good-looking guy who would sweep her off her feet and they would spend their lives madly in love with each other.

Boy, was she wrong!

She met him at a party. He was a good 8 years older, seemingly more mature. She was still studying. He was working. They were introduced by a common friend and she had an instant crush on him. He seemed to be flirting with her too! They exchanged numbers in the party and a few sweet SMSes that night.

He asked her out on their “first date” for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Wow we even have the same tastes, she thought. On their date they did go, and thus began a relationship.

As the relationship grew, she realized they did not have as much in common as she thought earlier. He didn’t read for pleasure, which would have been a deal breaker for her earlier, but with the entire Yash Chopra dream coming true, she wanted to let that one pass. He was also quite opinionated, and was not that good a listener either. Well, he is nervous. After all this is a new relationship.

As time went on, she found herself making a whole lot of compromises. He didn’t like her meeting her female friends, let alone the male ones. He had strong ideas about women not suitable in the IT industry and that she should not waste her time in IT and pursue writing or some other profession more “suitable” for women.

She finished her engineering and went to the US to pursue her Masters in Computer Science. He tried to dissuade her, reiterating the above point, but go she did. He followed her there soon, for a 3-month consulting assignment in Florida.

She went to visit him in Florida, but her stomach did not do a backflip when she saw him. They visited Miami and a few other places together, and had a bunch of little squabbles the entire time they were together. He told her she has to move back to India immediately after her Masters. She did not want to do that but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. She knew by then that they weren’t destined to be together. She didn’t tell him that then and wanted to wait for a more opportune time. Big mistake.

The problem was, by this time, both sets of parents knew about their relationship and were hoping for wedding bells. He decided to surprise her and took his parents to her place one day to talk about marriage. The parents got along quite well and decided upon an engagement when she came to Mumbai the next week. They decided to spring it on her when she arrived.

Thankfully, she was very close to her little sister and had told her about the impending break up. The sister naturally told her about the engagement plans. She was in a state of shock. She couldn’t believe he could think they are ready for marriage. That’s it. The break up had to happen. Now.

She called him and told him what she thought. She told him of all the problems she was facing in the relationship quite nicely. In the end, he was so mad at her, that he called her a whore, a slut (and you can imagine what else as these are some of the nicer things he said) for stringing him along. That was weird as she had never slept with him (or anyone else) till then. He accused her of having cheated on him with other guys (which she had not). To make matters worse, he went to her parent’s house at 3am and created a huge scene. He portrayed her as the villain, and her parents bore everything in silence. They spoke to her after he had left, and cleared out the whole thing.

There were a lot of sorry emails in her inbox after that, a lot of voicemail on her answering machine, a whole lot of bouquets at her doorstep and a lot of threats of giving up life etc everywhere. She felt guilty, but not enough to give it another chance.

That was the end of her first relationship ever. You’d think she’d learn a lesson from this? Did she? Find out more in the next part! 😛

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The in-law laws

So I am going to be married in less than 4 months. I have recently come to realize that most women have a lot of problems with their in laws, mostly the mother-in-law. I am definitely going to face most of the problems these women do after marriage.

A bit of a background story. I am a Marathi mulgi from Mumbai, and my fiancé a TamBrahm guy from Chennai, a typical one at that. Now he has lived in Delhi for 9 years of his life, and the US for 5. But his parents are really the stereotypical Tam Brahms that you see on the tambrahmrage site. When he decided to marry me and told them of his intentions, naturally they were less than thrilled. What ensued was a year and a half worth of convincing, a lot of tears (of sadness for his mom and frustration for him) Eventually they did agree, but I am sure they will expect me to behave in a certain way, a way which I am not accustomed to.

Like I said, I am from Mumbai. My parents have taught me their share of discipline. But never to the extent that Sam or his sister have been subjected to. His sister was married off at 21, to a guy she had never seen before. She’s now 22, had to quit her job as she had to stay out till late and could not cook for her husband and in laws. All she can do is complain to her mom and Sam about how much work her MIL makes her do and there is nothing they can (or choose to) do about it.

I am highly career-oriented. I love working. I make way more money than Sam does and that’s saying something as he makes a Senior Software Developer’s salary in Manhattan. He has refrained from telling his parents this as they would have a problem with me earning more! Anyway, there is no way I’m going to quit my job and stay at home to cook. Right now Sam and I both do an equal amount of household chores, and I like it that way.

Sam’s sister, let’s call her Sara, has been bugged to have kids ever since she got married. She is just 22 for god’s sake! It all really riles me up. I want to be able to live the way I want, with my husband and family. I hope they understand where I am coming from and do not treat me the way their daughter is treated by her in laws. And if they do, well, I for one am not the kind that would take it lying down.

Reality hits (bites) !

Well do I have some news! I am getting married! Its not exactly news to me, as I knew the wedding date about 6 months back, but I have never spoken about it on this blog. So there!

The “guy” is Sammy, known before this as my roommate. Well he is also my roommate so I haven’t technically lied. How we met, how it happened is another story. 

So the discussion and the preparation has been going on since a few months, but it really hit me that I will be getting married in 4 months after the following conversation between Sam and I –

(Sam is in India right now, for visa stamping and wedding shopping)

Me – Sam, I’m having the best time here! I just went out to party with my friends Appy, Sheetz and Tanz! 

Sam – (not even pretending to be mildly interested) Hmm.

Me – But I do miss you, I wish we could have gone to India together.

Sam – This is the last time in our lives that I am travelling to India alone!

Me – (Stunned silence)

Sam – (Stoic silence)

Cheers! To the end of singlehood…… :-/