What makes a marriage successful?

When you are an Indian woman in her mid twenties, there is general expectation that you’re either seeing someone which will end up in a marriage, looking for a guy on the bharatmatrimony or the like, or already married. If you’re neither of the three, there is something wrong with you.

This is a big difference between India and the USA. In the US, a single girl in her mid-twenties with a great career ahead of her is considered fiercely independent and desirable, whereas a single Indian girl with the same career is considered pathetic. Sad, but true. Many of my friends are facing the same predicament.

Case 1 – My best friend M

I’ve known M since my childhood. She’s a doctor, has a great job with an airline as their in-flight doctor. Has an extremely protective mom. Mom wants her to get married asap. According to her mom – “Good education, great job, what else does she want? The ultimate goal in a woman’s life should be getting married and having a family.” Set poor M up on a bunch of blind dates, all disastrous. 

Case 2 – My good friend and her twin.

Just spoke to her yesterday. Has a great job in Madison, Wisconsin. Twin has an equally great job in Naperville, Illinois. They won’t go to India to even visit as parents are forcing them to get married and move back.

Case 3 – Old friend S

S has a boyfriend from a different, conservative caste whose parents would kill him if they knew he’s going to do a “love marriage” with a girl from a different caste, that too a staunch non-vegetarian. She has constant fights with her parents about getting married immediately. The guy is too chicken to tell his parents.

Case 4 – My sister’s best friend Mn

Mn wanted to get married since the longest period of time. Her parents were desperately looking for a groom for her, but it wasn’t easy. She isn’t the best looking or the most intelligent woman you see (apparently thats what it takes to find a husband). But find she did, a really good looking guy, settled in the US of A. Mn was thrilled! She worked in Infosys, and couldn’t wait to leave her job and become a housewife. Marry they did, and she moved here with a lot of dreams and expectations. 

On their first night “as a couple” he told her he had an American girlfriend and he’s not completely over her. And still insisted on having sex. Mn was heartbroken. She didn’t feel like having sex with this guy, but gave in eventually. Turns out he was a sex addict. He wanted to get in everywhere, every hour of the day. Mn started making excuses. One day he abused her physically, and she went crying to my sister. 

Now I, for one, am a firm believer in arranged marriages. If a girl is unable to find her own soulmate, I don’t see anything wrong with her parents finding her one. She doesn’t have to live alone all her life. But looking around, I have realized, the most successful marriages seem to be the “love marriages” even though I have seen a bunch of them go downhill too. 

I earnestly hope everything works out in the aforementioned cases and with all of my other friends too!


Doing nothing

I feel like I have started posting only after weekends. But that is because my weekdays are really dull and all the happening(?) stuff seems to happen only on the weekend!! Anyway me and Sammy took Monday off, so we had a long weekend.

Well, so Saturday was spent putting together furniture, arranging clothes in our closets, books on the bookshelf etc. Made a trip to Rasoi for the weekend special brunch and had lip smacking chhole bhature, pav bhaji, idlis, dosas, pani puris, etc from an unlimited buffet. Sammy fell asleep on the drive back home so the onus of keeping myself awake while I drove back home fell solely on me… Not fun!

Sunday was more fun. Went to Bushkill falls in Pennsylvania. The falls were breathtaking! The hike to and from the falls was around 6 miles total so by the time we were back we were famished. Had a strong coffee after that and settled down for a hearty picnic lunch in one of the adjacent picnic spots. We had carried mutter paneer, roti, dal and rice with us which really helped as there wasn’t much vegetarian food around.

After we were done, we decided to make our way back home. On our way back, Sammy suggested we take a detour to the lake Hopatcong, an hour away from home. So we did, and the white sand of the beach and the pristine blue waters of the lake lured us to make the trip more than just a detour. So off we went! The water temperature was just right for the warm summer day, and we had a refreshing swim for about an hour. Headed back home, cooked dinner, had dinner, watched some crap on tv and fell asleep instantly.

The first thought that hit me on waking up was that I need to take the day off. My limbs and neck were sore from Sunday’s hike and I decided it wasn’t worth the pain to lug my tired ass to work. Sammy felt the same and we both took the day off. Did nothing, lazed around, watched tv, got the dishwasher fixed, did more of nothing, watered the plants, cooked lunch, had a long nap, cooked dinner, went for a walk, watched a crappy hindi movie (Ek Tha Tiger) and went to sleep. The awesome feeling on doing absolutely nothing is incomparable! Highly recommended!

A bad and good weekend

So I moved my stuff to Secaucus last weekend. The movers did the actual job, I just oversaw the whole thing. Turned out that I had way more stuff than the estimate I told the movers about, so they overcharged me. LIKE HELL. Anyway I just wanted to get it over with so didn’t say much. At the end of it the living room was looking like a war zone and I could not get from one end to the other.

I decided I need to make it look at least a bit presentable. BAD IDEA. Here’s why – A bit of background – I suffer from this condition called “disc herniation of the neck”. Its not as bad as it sounds, it just means a few of the vertebrae in my neck bulge out a bit, a few are misplaced, etc. What that would normally imply is a bit of a pain/discomfort in the neck, nothing unremediable by a bit of bengay. However, in my case, the bulging vertebrae have pinched a few of the nerves of my neck. What that implies is a LOT of pain/discomfort in my neck, hands and head!!! Needless to say, I was in terrible pain the rest of the day and ended up watching episodes of Master Chef – US while waiting for the pain to subside.

That was Saturday. On Sunday, I woke up late at 10am, took a lazy shower and decided I need to buy new lamps for the new apartment. Went to IKEA in the afternoon, bought a couple of cool floor lamps, a strainer to strain tea leaves, a veggie cutter and kitchen towels. I also got a money plant!!! Looked at a few sofas, decided they were too expensive and now wasn’t the time to splurge on furniture and gave them a pass.

Headed to the Indian grocery store in Edison shortly after, got a whole lot of veggies, idli and dosa batter, chapatis, masala’s and some more essential stuff. No excuse for not cooking from now on. Hmph!!

Notice the title says the bad AND THE GOOD weekend. Here’s the good, nay, awesome part. Went to Dimple Bombay Talk Chaat and Juice corner for the first time, as strongly recommended by my friend Vincent. And OMG do they have the best and spiciest and yummiest chaat there is!!!! Me and my roommate Sammy gobbled up a Pav Bhaji, Sev Puri, Samosa Chaat and Chhole Bhature in record time! We washed it down with a refreshing cool fresh watermelon juice (felt amazingly cool on a hot day like that!) and a chocolate milkshake. Wow I was so stuffed after that, I could barely stay awake on the drive back home!

Oh and on the drive back this is what we saw, a huge dark cloud on its way to New York City. Thankfully it did not start raining till after we reached home. Placed the new plant in the balcony and watched it dance merrily in the wind and the rain 🙂

Clouds heading to NYC

Dull grey Friday

Considering it is Friday today and I am writing this post at 2.30pm, its obviously been a dull day at work. I just moved to Secaucus two days back to a sparkling new never-inhabited-before apartment. It has a lot of perks, with free gym, free club room and media room that are filled with a couple of dozen gleaming brand-new iMacs. I am one of the first people to move into this wing, so when I visited the media room yesterday I was one of the only three people there.

Anyway, I digress. The move from Newport to Secaucus was meant to go a bit easy on the pocket and have more comforts. But that came with a price – a bitch of a commute to work. Now I have to take a shuttle to the train station, then the NJTransit train into New York City and then a 10 min walk to the subway.

Even so, I reached work at 9am, well before all my other colleagues started showing up. Also, I went without my morning coffee since there are no spoons in the house(!!) I went to Walmart to pick up necessary stuff yesterday but forgot spoons. This was my list –

1. Toilet paper
2. Shower liner
3. Wireless router
4. Vacuum cleaner
5. Couple of plates
6. Coffee & sugar
7. Mugs?

The ones in bold being most critical. All this I bring, but forget spoons!

At work, I am working on a web application meant to be on smart phones and tablets. The part I am right now is particularly boring and I have allotted myself a week to finish the task. And who starts working on the first day of the week when you have 6 long days ahead? Not me. I am the struggling-to-finish-with-work-at-the-last-minute kinda gal.

All in all these events have resulted in the creation of a blog and writing of not 1 but 2 blog posts (the introduction one does count!) I can’t wait for the day to get over and head to my brand new sparkling apartment with spoons (gonna pick em up on my way home)! Till next time!

The first one

Let me start by telling you a bit about myself. I am from India, and have been living in New York City since 5 years now. This blog as the URL would suggest has been created to vent out my anger mainly, but also to share some completely true stories of my life (not that it has been so eventful :P) More detailed introductory post to follow.